Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
