I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
