absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
