i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your room smells of hookers.
And success
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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