It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bring me that man meat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
