you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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