i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
