I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FUCK WHALES
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
