Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
