A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
