i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
