respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
