I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
