I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
