Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
