there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
