There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
