fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
