On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
