im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
