It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
