do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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