Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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