Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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