it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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