Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
