Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
