you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
