shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
