i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
