I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
