Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
