You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
