Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Randomize
