Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
farters have to be the big spoon...
either way he was missing a nipple.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
