i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
