you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
