we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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