just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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