You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
