i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
