Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
