they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
love makes seman taste better
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
