i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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