and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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