It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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