Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
