found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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