Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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