Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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