about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
