careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my liver is dry heaving
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
