I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
