I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bring me that man meat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
