did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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