I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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