I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
