Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
